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Happy \m/

Two-faced people suck

Posted on 2008.03.07 at 03:00
So I have been missing in action for a while and I apologize for those of you who have been trying to get in touch and I haven't responded. Been crazy busy and my life is really good.

I want to take a moment to explain that for a while there things were not so good. With the help of some pretty amazing people that I consider very good friends, I got through it. I was hanging out for a long time with Cleveland, who I considered to be a very close friend. He had some tendencies to become very aggressive and angry. It was a problem for me because he directed it very specifically at me. He had a short fuse and it interfered with our friendship. I tried talking to him about several times and he would always apologize and I would always forgive. He would even tell me how good those conversations were for him because it made him realize he wanted to be a better person. Unfortunately, just before Christmas, he snapped at me for no reason and I had it. I wanted to get to the bottom things and really lay the cards out on the table. Sadly, he didn't. When I made a comment to him about how he was always so considerate and helpful, yet he had trouble showing love and no trouble showing hate, he snapped again. Somehow this comment led him to feel it was necessary to become physically violent and assaulted me. At first I was very sorry for saying something that made him angry. Then I realized after a few days that I was blaming myself for his own insecurities and decided to end the friendship. It was really easy to come to that decision but I did not realize how bad of an aspect he was in my life until he was gone. I had to. He was a different person when other people were around and it hurt. I cut him out of my life completely and I feel so much better for it now. In retrospect, I should not have put up with so much shit for so long, but that's just me. Dumb and trusting. So his angry violence ended up hurting my neck pretty severely. I had problems with my neck and shoulder for months. I have just now fully recovered and have no more pain when I turn my head. First time in months I was able to do this was last week. He is twice my size and just an over all bully. I don't even think he cares that he is in the wrong about this. He always justifies his horrible actions if he knows there is no chance to make them better. The last time I talked to him back in December, he actually said that I had pushed him too far. No matter how much someone is annoying you about an issue they have with you, it is never ok to lay a hand on them. Especially someone you care about. Anyway, I wanted to explain that because some of you have known us to be friends and I didn't want there to be any confusion as to why that isn't true anymore. But like I said my life has vastly improved and there are so many amazing things happening for me these days... I will post about that next. Just needed to get this out first.

aaah

A Man's Character Is His Destiny

Posted on 2007.12.25 at 15:35
Anyone else agree?

Happy \m/

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Posted on 2007.12.23 at 22:17
I feel: calmcalm
Current Music: Jeffrey Gaines - In Your Eyes
I've been reading this book recently and I have been wanting to make a short film based on it. I think it would be great, only I think I want to make it severely frightening and modern day. It's amazing how creepy it was written and still is after all these years. I'm excited about the coming month because there are a few projects that I will be starting and a few that I will be completing. I joined a paranormal research investigation group. Actually 2 of them. I want to use my skills for a greater good. Also, this may lead to some experiences worth turning into story ideas.

Off the subject. Anyone wanna go skydiving for my birthday this year? I wanted to do this for a while now and I think this time it's gonna happen even if I have to do it alone. Maybe, if you don't wanna jump, you could at least come and watch me plummet :-) Birthday is on a Saturday this year so it's perfect! (Joe, you gotta do it with me!!)

I plan on conquering my fears this year. That is my resolution. I will no longer be afraid of frogs. I will no longer be afraid of being alone. I will no longer be afraid of wide open spaces. I will no longer be afraid of crowds. I will no longer be afraid of germs. I will no longer be afraid of speaking in front of an audience.

Anyway. This year maybe our last year together so I might as well experience all the things I haven't. So if you have any suggestions what new thing I should try, I am all ears.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!

bale3

Existential Post-Modernic After Thoughts of Nastalgia.

Posted on 2007.10.30 at 17:53
Current Location: The center of my brain
I feel: mellowinsatiable
Current Music: ...I'll let you guess
Equivocations of my formative years have determined much of the actualizations I have circumvented. By isolating my reactionary constitution into a formidable cocoon, I was able to focus my attention to the very misunderstood notion of developing my metaphysical and paranormal psychological matriculation. I refused to get lost in the use of meaningless words. In that as far as one can abolish the social misdirections of our interests, it is the progress of finding our inner voices that takes precedence over any and all findings of our truest nature. It is the search for our own texture that makes the sensuality of existing the very fiber of our universal consciousness. Evocatively locating the heart of my own reflections, I find myself falling. No banister to catch. No wall to brace. No person to reach for. And interestingly enough, no ground to land on. The wind. The air. Suffocating with too much to breathe and yet staying awake because falling asleep is like a dirty metaphor.

Love.

It is the most powerful force on the planet. I don't care if you think it is cheesy for me to say so. Because if you do, you're wrong. All things happen because of this one emotion. All things are linked to it in one way or another. Religion. Politics. Education. Careers. Art. So why are we still so afraid of letting it take over our lives. Why are there people who won't surrender to it? I know someone who is in love with a girl in Hawaii and wants so much to leave his job and go out there to be with her. He asked me what I thought of it and I said. "It's stupid." He said, "Yeah, you're right. I should just forget about her." I said, "No. It's stupid that you're standing here asking me what I think about it, when you should be standing in Hawaii kissing her." I'd let it move mountains. Love is more important to me than anything else. I would do anything for someone I loved and hope that they loved me back the same. It's probably genetic. Family history dictates.

And I quote, "There's nothing you can know that can't be known. Nothing you can see that isn't shown. Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be. It's easy. All you need is love."

heroes

Video of the Day - Lightning in Tokyo

Posted on 2007.10.24 at 13:27
I feel: scaredElectric
Current Music: Ready to Fall


spirited away

Three Men and a Baby Ghost

Posted on 2007.10.22 at 23:47
Current Location: My Room
I feel: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Head Automatica
I remember seeing this and thinking that it looked like an image of a boy super imposed into the scene. But the truth actually surprised me because it was a thought that never crossed my mind. There really was something in the window, but it wasn't a ghost.

Check it out

who's watching my back

War Criminal?

Posted on 2007.10.19 at 00:11
I feel: angryprotesty
Current Music: P!nk
I can't imagine what it must feel like to be someone that so many people hate so much. I find myself wishing I could do more to change the world. Words are powerful, just like a song, just like a spell, just like a prayer, just like a rumor, just like a book, just like law...just like "I love.."

George Bush needs to go



heroes

Starting a fast and revisiting my pagan ways. It's time.

Posted on 2007.09.26 at 11:22
Current Location: Could 8
I feel: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Nikka Costa - Everybody got their something
Some of you know me very well after only having met me recently. Some of you know me very well but have never met me even once and only stay in touch through this here forum/blog site or email. Some of you I met years ago and you still don't know me at all. Well, about a year a ago to the day (tomorrow actually) I posted this beautiful motto that was written by someone else, yet I can find no other words to better describe the person that I am and the person I want to be. I was following this creed before I even read it and it best describes me as a person. It is very telling of the kinds of decisions I make and my reasons behind them. Strange that thoughts are universal and constant.

Tonight is the night of the full moon. I plan on spending it with some very cool people who have included me in their celebration of the full moon since I met them. Tonight is also the start of my fasting. I know it is dangerous and risky, but I need to do this. My spirit is weak at the moment from conflicts with people I love. I live in a world where people are competitive and constantly trying to conquer the world. I hope that people someday realize that in order to gain access to the next level in life, you must first conquer yourself.

Here is my reposting of the Desiderata:
-------------------------------------------------------

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann, Copyright 1952

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.


Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.


Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.


You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy

who's watching my back

The Crab Nebula - A long dead star

Posted on 2007.09.25 at 19:40
I feel: amusedAlive
Current Music: Guster's Airport song
Crab Nebula

bale3

Sorry have not posted.

Posted on 2007.09.21 at 20:04
Current Location: My Room
I feel: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: flute music, to inspire soundtrackiness
I have gotten a few text messages on my phone from a few of you; I could just feel the nudges to post something. I really do miss you guys. I don't have the luxury I had at my old job to surf the web while working. And  I also need to return an email to some of you I think. I have been very bad lately. My apologies. My schedule changed on me at work (AGAIN!) I now work 5am to 2 pm with Tuesdays and Wednesdays off. The cool thing about being busy is never standing still for too long. I love this. I went to the gym yesterday with my... friend, John.(more on that later) We went for a midnight session but it felt really good to just go nuts on the weights and the machines and let the adrenaline take over. I had not been in a really long time and every time I do I always tell myself to keep it up. The only thing that ever stands in the way is time. Seriously, I'm not a lazy person at all. If I had time I would be there every day. Unfortunately I have eaten away at my schedule with a bunch of projects and now helping out at 2 film festivals. Also I am working on a zombie film. Actually, I'm staring in it now I think, which was kind of a funny turn of events, but I'm happy with it (Gidg, I think you'll get a kick out of this one!). I will also have the third part of our horror film, Belladonna shot by the end of October. Next week I will be working at a film festival here in Austin on my off days and time after work. Next month at the end of October I will be in Phoenix helping out at a Horror Film Festival and visiting my twin brother. Then I will be taking up my Best Manly duties at my brother's bachelor party, which I am in charge of. And then of course the wedding the first week in November. So much to do and so little time. I love being busy. I do believe that my buddy, Joe is having a show tomorrow night which I will be attending. I just realized, I have not had a beer in a good 2 weeks. I think I will go break me of that before lose my tolerance. So what are you guys up to?


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